connected conversations

Have you ever been asked if you “believe” in climate change? I have and it caught me off guard. Believe?  Is this a theology exam? Or what about this one: do you think climate change is real? Real? Is the reality of this something I can assess? Isn’t there someone more qualified? (increasing  my streak of insights from comedians to 2). As an initial reaction, this kind of question bugs me.

​However, I really do appreciate the interest. So, letting go of my reactions, what do situations like this teach that can allow me bring my authentic self to conversations about important things? Thinking about what I would have liked to have been asked helps me to think about how to have important conversations. 

What stands out is that a focus on my experiences with changes in climate would make a difference. "Have you experienced climate change in your life?" There I have something that I can share.  “Yes, I have had experiences with changes in climate.  The dog got lyme disease and a travelling suitcase brought home some hitchhiking bed bugs. Yuck!  And I have noticed we get more extremely heavy rain storms, landslides and flooding...”  The interest in my story allows  me avoid a perceived test or having to defend a position on a topic that feels complex and difficult.  It also creates space for me  to ask, “How about you?”  Regardless of your answer we are conversing, not declaring positions.  

Sometimes direct questions in search of a "yes" or a "no" don’t serve us. They are extractive, and when we’re being extracted, we aren’t connected.  Yet connection is what we need to create solutions for group problems: like invasive pests and landslides. And climate change. Connectedness leads to creativity when a conversation includes perspective taking:  How about you?  When we tell our own story and also listen to the perspectives of others we get  into a more constructive group problem solving space. We can be much more positive and effective.  

As humans, we organize our thoughts and experiences into a set of beliefs and judgments, especially about complex or important subjects. It helps us remember things and handle a lot of information.  At the same time, it is our humanity that allows us to work together. Next time you find yourself being asked about your beliefs and that generates an internal dilemma, try this experiment. (1) Smile and take a breath to disarm those totalizing words (“believe”, “real”) and (2) shift to your experiences. (3) Follow up with a question about the questioner’s experience.  

And when you are the questioner, and it's a situation where you want to work with someone, lead with questions about experiences and not beliefs.  See if that helps to build connection, creativity and problem-solving.  Let me know!